When consent is not consent…

Just an addendum:

“Among other things, it means someone who is drunk may not be consenting, someone who is asleep is definitely not consenting, and someone who is tricked or deceived doesn’t consent,” says Andrew Tiedt, a criminal lawyer and partner at Armstrong Legal. – Boiling Frog

“Deceiving another person in order to have sex with them is morally wrong when it prevents the other person from giving fully informed consent to the act (Rubenfeld, 2012-2013). The reason for this is that informed consent cannot be given when you don’t really know what you agree to when agreeing to have sex.

As noted, sexual encounters involving deceit as a way to obtain “consent” may not in fact be consensual. Jed Rubenfeld argues for the stronger view that all sex by deception is non-consensual and therefore counts as rape. As he puts it, ‘sex-by-deception is always sex without consent, because a consent obtained by deception, as courts have long and repeatedly held outside of rape law, is “no consent” at all’ (2012-2013: 2).

One way to capture when sex involving deceit qualifies as sexual misconduct is this: sexual encounters involving deceit are wrong when it is reasonable to believe that had you provided your sex partner with some information you have about yourself prior to the encounter, then he or she would not have agreed to have sex (owing to that information).” Psychology Today

So when I asked, “Are you single” and the response is yes… that’s deception. When I ask for how long he has been single, meaning no wife or girlfriend and the response is 2 years… that’s deception.

Let me add here that I am not a supporter of the #metoo movement. And I’m not at ALL a supporter of allegations to derail a confirmation or anything else without any evidence and 35 years later.   I am a supporter of calling people out with 300 screenshots of texts covering a month of time just a couple weeks ago. I am a supporter of not cowering to bullies using their power and position to sweep their poor and very unprofessional behavior under a rug, where it has been sitting for 12 years or more. As much as I abhor house work, I’m now more inclined to toss that rug outside and expose shit for exactly what it is.

If you wish to read the whole story in order, now with notes, on my experience with Steven Monteforte (AKA Steven Joseph, and Jersey Steve) Here it is in order.

Post 1 Steven Monteforte Series. Start here. Taking Chances.

Post 2 Steven Monteforte Series. What Self-Preservation Mode Looks like… it ain’t pretty..

Post 3 Steven Monteforte Series. An Update.

Post 4 Steven Monteforte Series. The Incongruity of My Current Situation.

Post 5 Steven Monteforte Series. Final Credits.

Post 6, Steven Monteforte Series. It is what it is…

Post 7 Steven Monteforte Series. It must be a Marvel Movie!

Post 8 Steven Monteforte Series. Previews of Coming Events.

Post 9 Steven Monteforte Series. Sociopaths and Narcissists.

Post 10 Steven Monteforte Series. Stop blaming yourself.

Post 11 Steven Monteforte Series. The night I spent with him in Sturgis.

Post 12 Steven Monteforte Series. He tries to bully me into silence.