Sociopaths and Narcissists.

In a couple previous posts I mentioned my sister, Shannon. There is a part of her story that I wanted to share right now because it correlates with recent events and discussion.

After Shannon was divorced from the dick, she attracted another equally offensive pile of dung. Actually, this one was worse.

Yeah, I was surprised too.

I didn’t give him a lot of thought in the beginning. I was busy out here in the Black Hills and she was in a fresh new relationship in Wisconsin. Communications was sparse, but understandably.

At the same time, my brother and I started working for the Pennington County Sheriff’s Office. During that training and experience in the position, we were learning about sociopathy and narcissism.

While out here in the real world, there is a ratio of about 1:20 that is sociopathic, in jails and prisons, that number is closer to 1:4.

Now let me say that this in no way infers that all sociopaths are criminals. Not at all. Many live seemingly very normal lives. Holding positions as CEOs. They are high-functioning.

So, you can take these tendencies and either rise to the top of a field or sink to the lowest of another… or land anywhere in the middle.

But generally, they will have tendencies that we can recognize if we know what to look for.

I was somewhat preoccupied with work and taking care of my dad who lived with me. While I was sometimes frustrated by not being to get her on the phone or speak for very long because she was being called away, I didn’t think anything was up for quite a while.

She was bringing my horses out to South Dakota from Wisconsin, as they had been living with her for several months. And her new boyfriend, Adam, would be coming, as well.

The visit was fairly straightforward but I didn’t really warm up to Adam. Gut feeling that I couldn’t pinpoint and I didn’t think much of because Shannon just didn’t have a good track record attracting decent guys.

However, after a bit of time passed, hard to remember if it was weeks or a month or so, I was on the phone with her, finally and she was pulled away… again… by him. And I had a wrenching feeling.

When my brother got home, I told him that there was something wrong with Adam… I just knew it. He thought the same thing, we compared notes, and I got an idea of what I was looking for. A criminal record. I was certain he had one.

I started to do a search and could not find anything. I contacted a friend in Wisconsin, with background in law enforcement. He gave me a couple pointers. I kept tweaking my search criteria until finally I was only searching withdam’s birth date. It was then that I learned he was using his middle name for his first. And I found quite the record.

During this search, I was in conversation with a friend of my sister’s of 30 years.

Also found that this long time family friend hadn’t seen much of my sister in quite some time. So I started to piece together that she had become more and more distant from most of her friends. And was spending more time with friends they made together.

I tried harder to connect with her, but couldn’t.

Somewhere in all that, she said she was moving to Colorado, which had recently legalized pot, and then finally they went.

After they arrived there we learned that the reason they moved there was she had been sick and wanted to get treatment there. Breast cancer.

Between her feeling there was something wrong and contacting people in the Boulder area, and actually arriving there, was time she didn’t have. She was no longer a candidate for anything simple, if she ever was.

She could have been diagnosed in Wisconsin. She could have started treatment there. But they HAD to get to Colorado first.

Well, Adam is a pothead. He had been illegally growing quite a bit in Wisconsin. He insisted she use CBD oil for her pain and healing. He quashed the meds that the docs wanted to provide. And there was nobody out there with any spine to stand up to him. They feared him. So she suffered. And she eventually died.

My brother and I knew who and what he was. He attempted to taunt us and harass and threaten us with texts one night. And I called the police that next morning. And we haven’t had an issue with him since.

The people there are probably still terrorized by him, but they work in therapy and have convinced themselves he is just broken. And fixing people is what they do. I should say that none of them are actually therapists… one has a BA in English if I recall. They weren’t prepared for someone like Adam. But Adam knew how to work them, and work them he did. Giving them just enough success to make them feel they were helping him.

He played them.

That’s what he does. He is a sociopathic narcissist.

Adam will never change. He’s one of ‘those.’

Flash forward to recent events and discussion of Steven. He has narcissistic tendencies as well. Sucking people in, pushing them away, playing them with the right words at the right time. Picking fights when the other person starts to get too close to the truth. Then he will apologize profusely and really sound sincere.

Steven can change. The difference between Adam and Steven? Steven seems to actually feel sorry for his actions, he just can’t stop. Or doesn’t know how. I could be wrong, but my gut feeling is that he wants to. Again, I could be wrong, of course.

Adam doesn’t care. Adam never will.

I’m willing to say that I could be wrong about Steven because I want to believe he is a better person than Adam. I want to believe that I was not in the presence of someone so far gone and never knew it.

So, my belief in Steven, to be totally honest, could just be my need to save my ego. It happens. And to be perfectly honest, I think it is. When I start to feel just a twinge of sorrow for publishing his name and details as tags, I just go back to conversations (ongoing) with previous victims/targets (I’m not going to view myself as a victim, I did know from the beginning something was off), and listen to more stories.

While he MAY have potential, if there is a decent human being in there, it is pretty deep down.

I’m a work in progress.

Couple things to add here. If you are interested in learning more about narcissism, you can check out this blog. As one of Steven’s long-term victims said, it was pretty much written about him. I had to agree.

Also, we MIGHT form a Facebook group to share who the players are of the Black Hills. I really don’t want to be on Facebook any more than I already am, so if it does get started, I’ll be looking for help.

If you happen to be one of Steven’s MANY targets, and want to share your story, let me know. I’ll keep your name as private as you need. I stand behind EVERY word I have published about Steven. You need to stand behind yours. *1

Notes
*1- These are the labels that seemed to fit as they were offered by so many people who know Steven and/or the situation. They fit well at the time. However, I have friends that work in the field of mental health. And I read suggested sources. Coupled with my conversation with my friend who was a self-described sex addict and whose experience mirrored what I could see of Steven’s, to a T (what does that even mean?). And I’m pretty sure he is not a sociopath or a narcissist. But I think a sex addict is just as, if not more, dangerous. The sociopath tendency of no guilt is what we see with a sex addict because they immediately self medicate with any receptacle available. (receptacle = woman. A woman that likely believed his words. And if she started to question those words, he manipulated her into questioning herself. And then he started a different script.) A sex addict, as described in a later post, describes Steven. And if it were an addiction that involved drugs or alcohol, it would be so much easier for people to understand. The concern here is that the underlying issues that drive an addict to seek a fix of whatever, are still dangerous. They need to be addressed. I would think, that like a drug or alcohol addiction, tolerance is built up… and something more is needed to feel different. Something to control.

If you wish to read the whole story in order, now with notes, on my experience with Steven Monteforte (AKA Steven Joseph, and Jersey Steve) Here it is in order.

Post 1 Steven Monteforte Series. Start here. Taking Chances.

Post 2 Steven Monteforte Series. What Self-Preservation Mode Looks like… it ain’t pretty..

Post 3 Steven Monteforte Series. An Update.

Post 4 Steven Monteforte Series. The Incongruity of My Current Situation.

Post 5 Steven Monteforte Series. Final Credits.

Post 6, Steven Monteforte Series. It is what it is…

Post 7 Steven Monteforte Series. It must be a Marvel Movie!

Post 8 Steven Monteforte Series. Previews of Coming Events.

Post 9 Steven Monteforte Series. Sociopaths and Narcissists.

Post 10 Steven Monteforte Series. Stop blaming yourself.

Post 11 The details of the night I spent with Steven Monteforte.

Post 12 Steven Monteforte tries to scare me/bully me into silence.