It is what it is…

Ok, so many of you are aware that the non-relationship ended quite badly. By that I mean, as it was already fizzling and I just couldn’t ignore or deny my gut feelings anymore, I got a simple text from Steven that sounded pretty final. Not bad… just done. And I was fine with that. It had been 4 weeks of discomfort and unhappiness with about 5 good moments sprinkled around.

But… you ready? Then, I saw that I had a message on Facebook from an unknown person sitting over in my ‘other’ folder.

To summarize, it was his girlfriend. Well, she was at the time, sounds like she isn’t anymore. She had a lot more invested than I did.

She shared quite a bit.

Now, before you say, “How do you know she’s telling the truth?” “What if she is just trying to sabotage you?”  I did my due diligence, asked a mutual friend about her, read all she had to say… oh, and yeah.. he didn’t deny it.

So, this is the dashboard wisdom I have for you.

While it hurt yesterday… it’s been hurting for a long time. I would have my heart broken every week. So, I just added this to my tab.

But I don’t think his intention was to hurt anybody, just have his needs met. He doesn’t know himself. He just acts out of instinct.

So, when he says he is sorry, I believe him. What good does it do now to question him? Just accept that it was unintentional and move on.

Now, in a couple weeks, when he sends me a message “Just to see how I’m doing,” will I forgive and forget?

No. You can forgive someone who understands their error and takes action to change. Not lip-service, even when coming from a silver-tongued devil. He is very good with that mouth, in more ways than one.

But, he’s not THAT good.

It’s enough for me to know that my gut was right, right from the beginning. And not heeding its warning… that’s on me.

So, it was what it was… it is what it is… and it will never be what it will never be.

I’m already feeling a LOT more sure of myself since this whole mishigas started. I’m looking forward to my confidence returning and laughing again.   Turns out, I’ve already done some laughing today. Friends have been humorously supportive. And … I’ve met a few of his exes… they have a great sense of humor. You’d have to after surviving his narcissistic, selfish, lying, shenanigans.   But after hearing about how he has behaved pretty much his whole life it would seem, I’m laughing.

One ex said that he generally marries quickly… when he needs a place to live. As a Realtor, I can think of far easier ways to get a place to live. *1

Notes
*1- I’ve been told by many people that he is not sorry and cannot change. They may be right. But hear me out. After talking with a friend of mine who was a sex addict and got help, I think we are seeing that here. The goal is not to hurt people. The goal is to get a fix. A fix of something that feels different and takes focus off whatever else is going on. Part of that fix is accomplished with control and taking power and paying games. My friend said that he did feel remorse right after he used and hurt somebody, but he would immediately find another person to use to deal with that pain. It’s a cycle that spirals. I said in another post just after this one that I didn’t think he was sorry. I wanted to say here, in case you don’t get further than this post, that I’ve come full circle. I think he can change if he wanted to. The problem is I am not sire he sees anything wrong with what he is doing. A few exes have said that he has promised to change and would get help. But I think that could easily have been more game playing. Placate the receptacle. Manipulate whoever is in your way to your next fix. There are a lot of correlations between sex addiction and drug addiction. That’s what set me on this whole journey. The more I learned about him and sex addiction and patterns.. the more I believed this was a dangerous situation. And while I’d be thrilled if he got help and had a real life… that can’t be my mission here. My mission is to warn whoever I can.

I do hope that having raised awareness of this whole thing, his bosses and department will do what they need to to keep the community safe. At the very least, they will be paying attention to him. As I felt at times that he might be a danger to himself, I have to trust that they know what they are doing… and this part of his life is in their hands now.

If you wish to read the whole story in order, now with notes, on my experience with Steven Monteforte (AKA Steven Joseph, and Jersey Steve) Here it is in order.

Post 1 Steven Monteforte Series. Start here. Taking Chances.

Post 2 Steven Monteforte Series. What Self-Preservation Mode Looks like… it ain’t pretty..

Post 3 Steven Monteforte Series. An Update.

Post 4 Steven Monteforte Series. The Incongruity of My Current Situation.

Post 5 Steven Monteforte Series. Final Credits.

Post 6, Steven Monteforte Series. It is what it is…

Post 7 Steven Monteforte Series. It must be a Marvel Movie!

Post 8 Steven Monteforte Series. Previews of Coming Events.

Post 9 Steven Monteforte Series. Sociopaths and Narcissists.

Post 10 Steven Monteforte Series. Stop blaming yourself.

Post 11 The details of the night I spent with Steven Monteforte.

Post 12 Steven Monteforte tries to scare me/bully me into silence.